Monday, 8 January 2018

Me On A Monday - January 8th, 2018

Good morning - another exciting wild ride on the roller coaster of life.
I'm not going to moan on about the cold, although the good news is that we have had a break in the cold snap & it is warming up to snow.

Last week when  I mentioned using Angel cards, several of you were interested to know more.  I cannot stress enough, that there is no science behind my methods, I felt that the Angel cards were just as good a place to start.  One of my sisters has a set of "Healing With Angel Oracle" cards.  She was kind enough to loan me the manual of how to use the cards & the accompany explanation of each card. 
Instruction on how to use Healing With Angels Oracle Cards



 I don't have the actual cards, she wouldn't loan those, so I made up slips of paper with the corresponding numbers on the actual cards & placed them inside an Angel tin. 

 I sat with the tin for many minutes Focusing my mind on what I needed throughout the coming year & what should I use as my overall theme for the year.  Then I drew out 12 slips plus 1.  Then I sat with those slips & asked each month which slip I should pick for it ... and that's how I came up with my Angel suggestions for the year.  My word for the year, Focus,  is being supported by the Angel card I chose for overall,  Study.  My other three supporting words for Focus are; Attention, Observe & Mindful.  

For January my Angel focus is on Friendships (Relationships). Jane Christmas, an author, who's book, "What The Physic Told The Pilgrim", (her  story of her walk on Spain's Camino de Santiago de Compostela), has expressed pretty close to what I feel in several if not most of my friendships. 

"For as long as I can remember, I have existed  uncomfortably on the periphery of belonging.  I don't have problems making friends or being a friend; I have a problem feeling like a friend who matters. "

So being mindful of my friendships, I have a couple of friends that I need to focus on & come clean with, I need to tell the person(s) of how I am feeling within our friendship.  Lots of stuff has gone into my morning pages about these feelings.

My style with "K"  has been to retreat when she is unkind in her remarks or treatment of me. She has often cancelled arrangements when she has a better offer to do something with someone else.  

In my relationship with "P", I definitely feel as a definite after thought.  Just before Christmas we arranged to meet for tea at my house at an agreed upon time & when she didn't show up or call, I was first worried that something happened.  Once I got hold of her, she said she forgot, no apology.  I didn't say anything to her about how hurt & angry I was, I just said, well at least you're OK & not in a car accident.  

I have made arrangements to meet both these ladies some where that we can quietly discuss our friendship.  I would like to keep these friendships but just in a way I feel more respected & valued.

I also have a lunch date this week with a friend who I know values our time spent together & I am going to give the attention to her & tell her how I value our friendship.

Have you ever given any friendship or relationship a tune up?

"True friendship isn't about being there when it's convenient; it's about being there when it's not."  from Heart Felt Quotes

 




20 comments:

  1. I haven't tried a friendship tune up but I understand what you mean about people letting you down because they've found something 'better' to do. It's unbelievably rude but seems to be an acceptable way of behaving by so many people. Good luck in fine tuning these two friendships.

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    1. Rudeness seems to be how many people think they can behave - I am going to blame, without scientific back up, the reality tv shows where people yell & swear at each other so I think that's why people behave this way.

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  2. I hope all goes well when you meet these ladies and that you can feel better after telling them how you feel x

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    1. I am not normally a brave person & avoid conflict at all costs, so I thought I might may myself some cue cards to get out what I want to say.

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  3. Good for you. I hope they have the grace to open their minds and understand your point of view. If their intentions are genuine, they should! All the best with it and let me know how you get on. x

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    1. Mr Man says I'm over preparing & that I should tell them just to bugger off. I would much prefer to salvage these relationships, but just using that word, salvage, gives me a yucky feeling ... stay tuned!

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    2. I generally shy away from confrontation. With friendships, I will try to make my needs/expectations known in a general sense, in a way which makes it clear whether these are being met by the one I'm talking to. Sometimes they step up, sometimes not. I have never explicitly told anyone to "bugger off" (!) but I have consciously stopped contacting people with the idea that if the friendship means anything to them, they will make an effort. My "best friend" (I was even her bridesmaid) is one notable who has vanished from my life since marriage and motherhood came along. After three meet-ups, all arranged by me, I decided to step back and see. Result: not one phone call in over six years! We are now down to Christmas/birthday cards. It feels utterly meaningless but I accept it for now; maybe in time things will change. Either I will stop sending or, if the mood takes me, I may get in touch to try to get together one more time and see what that's like. I reckon if it's not wanted on both sides, there's no point. You can't bully someone into being there.

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    3. I shoud add, I think your way is better!

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    4. WOW not a phone in 6 years - that's just rude & more than just having a baby busy situation. Usually I'm not good with running the risk of totally loosing the friend, but I think I'm at a point, it's more uncomfortable to say nothing, than to try to fix. Relationships - the biggest section of any library or bookstore!

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  4. Good for you. Tuning up friendships can be a tricky event, but if it doesn't go well, know that you are in the right, and move on. I have just a couple very close friends who I know I can count on, no matter what. The others are more casual friends---we get together regularly but don't communicate much in between our visits. I only have one friend (much like your relationship with K). I decided last year to spread out our meetings, and if she cancels, I get some unexpected free time. You've chosen great words; mindful was truly one of the most transformational words I've ever chosen.

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    1. Karen you make a good point - maybe I put more value on these relationships that they do. Umm maybe to them I am an acquaintance rather than a friend. Maybe that's a good starting point - what am I to them? I always think OLW needs friends (lol).

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    2. Yes, I often think that the majority of my friendships are like that - for quite valid reasons, people are more important to me than I am to them. However, even an acquaintance should not be treated as you have been. You don't make arrangements and then just ditch them without good reason/apology. If anything, an acquaintance calls for better manners, not worse!

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    3. It is very hurtful when K ditches me & it's more than once & I get it sometimes but to be told she's had a better offer really offends & hurts. I agree - better manners people, do on to others as you would like to be treated yourself. Respect.

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  5. Oh, such good thoughts on friendships! Last week I made a point to call three friends that I haven't had a chance to catch up with in a few months. One of those is a dear friend who is always there but had a very busy year. We live several hours apart, but keep in touch through phone and cards and the occasional meet-up - definitely a keeper.

    Another is a missionary. We were friends for several years before her hubby retired and they became missionaries. We support their ministry, and I often feel that I hear from her when they are home because of that. I've decided that's ok and choose to maintain the relationships as a more casual friendship with those occasional check-ins.

    The other friend is one that I've found draining at times, but I wanted to touch base and catch up to re-evaluate the relationship. It was disappointing and I'm choosing to let that relationship peter our this year as we've grown apart. I may hear from her and I may not - either is ok with me.

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    1. Thanks for sharing that Melissa. Friendships, I know come & go & often come into your life for a reason. I tend to be more than loyal with the hopes that things work out. I have my big girl pants on if these two don't, I'll just Focus on the relationships that do work. :)

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  6. I hope all goes well, and I admire your willingness to address it with them. I tend to let those kinds of relationships go their natural course. Which means I see those people less and less as time goes on. I'm good with that.

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    1. One of the ladies & I were one again scheduled to get together & she bailed again. I tried, & I have no regrets now that yes some relationships just end ... sad but no regrets.

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    2. I'm always open, like you seem to be, to continue these relationships. But sometimes people make it obvious they are no longer interested in the contact. It's a shame, really, because coffee/get-together is just such a no-risk and casual contact, but what can you do... :( Sad, as you say, but yes, move on and hope for more congenial relationships.

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  7. Thank-you for the information on the angel cards - I was wondering about them when you mentioned them (Susannah Conway rang a class last year on using oracle cards for daily guidance and I was a little intrigued but not in a place to take it). Very informative ... You are right about respect being so fundamental in a good and mutual relationship. If a friendship feels lop-sided, and efforts at righting it don't work, then perhaps it's time to jump ship?

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    1. Hello Alexa & your are welcome about the Angel cards. Not sure how much "stock" I put into them but I do think that The Universe can sometimes provide a vehicle to get the message across. Respect is seemingly in short supply these days. I'll say no more for now.

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