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As I said in an earlier post I am one of 12 children for
my parents. I am the 11th one. We have never been a close family. Circumstances and age gap between us have
played a part. My eldest sister was
having her first child when my Mother was having me and she, my sister and her
husband and 2 children lived with us for several years. We don't get together, not even for weddings or funerals and most of us are not F/B Friends. I have one sister that I do speak to regularly on the telephone and I see F/B photos. She is the sister that twice a year I get her closet clean out. Another sister and brother I see maybe once a year.
For me, growing up in a large family and a
small house, was not fun, it was always crowded, noisy, there's no privacy and meals were usually
the survival of the quickest. As the
second youngest, you never got anything that was either new or yours. While I do have a younger (full) brother, he
has always called me his baby sister. One
needs a map to navigate through my family but I will try to make it a straight
line. My Mother, father family is =
boy*; girl; boy; boy; girl; boy**; a gap in birthing; twin boys; gap in
birthing; boy; girl; girl ++(Me); boy+++.
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Now the line gets quite wavy when you factor in my father’s
other children. I would like to note that my father was married to my
Mother when these other children came along. There were *twin boys born at the same time as my eldest brother. My Mother did befriend and have contact for
many years with this woman. There is a
boy** born at the time of our sixth family member and other than my father admitting
to him, we knew nothing about him. Then
my father took up with a woman and those two
had 4 children together. For some reason
my father named them Team B. Team B’s
eldest child, a boy ++ is a month older than I am and then there is another boy
+++ a month older than my youngest brother, another boy and then a girl. This foursome of children originally lived
just down the road from us, we went to school together and there was a time
when the eldest two of this Team B, lived with us. Team B with their mother eventually moved out
of the province. There is some but not regularly, contact with Team B.
So that is the tangle of my siblings.
I can't even imagine what that must have been like. Just having 11 siblings is enough of a feat for me to get my head around, without the complications of half-families coming and going. I don't know how I would react to the knowledge that one parent seemed to have so little respect for the other (I'm only guessing). Then with the emotional/financial considerations, I ask myself how your dad explained it to himself and what relationships he was able to foster with any or all of his kids... Your mother's acceptance/understanding is amazing.
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is, but it's a pity that you haven't at least ended up with more of a clan from amongst so many family members. It would have been nice if at least the closest siblings/nieces/nephews in age had forged ties, but I can see how that might have been impossible. Good for you, finding sanity amidst chaos! (Seriously.)
There is probably so much more I could write BUT I think it would frighten the readers. The sanity has been through therapy.
DeleteSorry, wasn't fishing (in case you thought). What I should have said - explicitly - was very interesting and thanks for sharing. You've done so well.
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DeleteOh My Muse I know you weren't fishing. There are days, there are moments, but everyone has a story and everyone is fighting something.
DeleteWow: that's an unusual, interesting tangle of connections. Not an easy one to come to terms with, I'm sure
ReplyDeleteI am not sure any of us have come completely come to terms with the situations but some days are better. Some of us say in spite of situations, some of us say because of situations, we all fight those demons in our own ways.
DeleteThe lack of closeness doesn't matter, so long as you are happy with the situation. I'm the youngest of 4 and can't imagine having that many siblings; the three I've got are hard enough to deal with!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this with us.
Thanks Eileen. I am not sure how I feel about the lack of closeness, sometimes I wish it was other than what it is. I think that some of the issues surrounding our childhood home is what keeps us as adults at bay. I can only deal with what I can and how I can. :)
DeleteThat must have been a very difficult situation for your mother, your siblings and you! My mother married a widower with 5 children and then, I came along; there's a 16 year age gap between my oldest half-brother and me. We were a family as long as my father lived. After he died and my mother started dating her second husband, the family unit broke up. I am still not that close to my half-brothers and half-sister, although my half-sister and I keep in touch (we both live in the US) and I exchange the occasional card with my oldest half-brother (who lives in Sri Lanka); the other 3 half-brothers have died.
ReplyDelete